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Captain Sean

Cast:
Jake: Male in his early twenties. Bartender, waiter- likes jobs where he can sleep until noon.
Willy: Also early twenties. Has a hard time keeping jobs.
Gus: Twenty something who usually instigates the trio’s misadventures. Plays the banjo.

Scene:
Outside an apartment that has had a padlock attached to the door. WILLY leans against the locked door staring off into space.

Enter JAKE from left..
JAKE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s going on here, bro?

WILLY: Locked out.

JAKE: Yeah, I can see that. Why? What’s up?

WILLY: You know that money you gave me for rent?

JAKE: Yeah?

WILLY: Gus didn’t.

JAKE: Again?

WILLY: Well, yeah. What’d you expect? He’d pull it out of an anal orifice? You know he doesn’t have a job. Oh. By the way? Neither do I. I got fired.

JAKE: Again?

WILLY: That place was unreasonable. They expected me to clock in on time!

JAKE: Go back a minute. Gus has a job. He’s a musician.

WILLY: Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake. Being a musician and having a job are hardly the same thing. Gus is a street musician. He gets paid tips and he said he didn’t have any this month.

JAKE: Well they can’t just throw us out! That’s illegal! I’ll call the cops!

WILLY looks at JAKE for a three second count.
WILLY: And tell them what? We don’t have a lease. We’re subletting a sublet and there’s three of us living in a studio apartment. We’re lucky they didn’t call the cops.

JAKE: Great! Well what do we do now, Einstein?

WILLY and JAKE look at one another.
Enter GUS playing the banjo part of “Dueling Banjos.”

GUS sees the padlock, stops playing the banjo and quickly turns to leave.
GUS: Uh-oh.

JAKE: Freeze, Music Man! What do you mean, “Uh-oh?”

GUS stops and turns back to JAKE and WILLY.
GUS: Did I say, “Uh-oh?” I meant, hello! Why whatever is our door locked for?

WILLY: I spilled the beans, Gus. He knows.

GUS: Knows that I did something awesome? Forget this dump. I have taken a bold step. Today I am Captain of my destiny! Admiral of my fate! Instead of paying rent I did something much better with my dough re mi.

WILLY and JAKE wait expectantly for two seconds.
WILLY and JAKE: What?!

GUS plays a few bars from Styx’s, “Come Sail Away,” and then throws his arms out in triumph.
WILLY and JAKE look at one another and then at GUS.
GUS tries again with some bars from Christopher Cross’s, “Sailing.” Still no response from WILLY or JAKE.

GUS: I bought a boat!

WILLY: You did what?

JAKE: Bro! You traded our cow for some magic beans? Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!

WILLY: Jake’s lost it, Gus. He thinks your name is Jack.
JAKE and GUS look at one another, then WILLY and then throw their hands in the air in defeat.

JAKE: A boat?! Why a boat?

GUS: Freedom. Adventure! We keep saying that we’ve got to get out of here. Leave Iowa behind! Well now we’re going to!

JAKE: What does that even mean?

WILLY: I’m pretty sure it means he bought a boat. Where is it? Is it close by?

GUS: Sort of.

JAKE: Sort of? Where? In the Skunk River.

GUS: Not that close.

WILLY: In the Mississippi?

GUS: Not quite. Here’s a hint.
GUS plays some bars of Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

WILLY: You bought a steel freighter?

GUS: No! I bought a sailboat! It’s up in Duluth, Minnesota.

WILLY and JAKE again look at one another and then back at GUS.
 WILLY and JAKE: Duluth, Minnesota!

JAKE: Why that’s 400 miles away! How are you going to get there? None of us has a car.

GUS: Don’t exaggerate. It’s only 367 miles. I Googled it! I have money for a bus. Plus I stashed all our stuff at Thomas’ place this morning when you guys left for work. There’s nothing in the apartment of any value that belongs to us. We’re free and clear! I even got your rent money back, Jake. We’re taking a bus to Duluth and then sailing to New Orleans.
Gus plays some bars of Fats Domino’s, “Walking to New Orleans.”

JAKE and WILLY look at one another and then break out into The Blues Image, “Ride Captain Ride.”
JAKE and WILLY: Seventy-three men sailed up from the San Francisco Bay, rolled off of their ship and here’s what they had to say.

GUS joins in.
JAKE, WILLY and GUS sing: “We’re callin’ everyone to ride along to another shore, we can laugh our lives away and be free once more.”

EXIT right GUS, WILLY and JAKE.

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