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Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus!
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! I’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! I’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! I’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Ter-ri-bib-ile hemorrhoids

I have a secret that I can’t keep very well
Have an itchy anus and it feels like hell
My hemorrhoidal cream doesn’t work but it smells!
And this is why I scream:
Won’t you please stop itching anus?

I’m getting mental scars, they keep me up at night
If the itching stopped then I could feel alright
It’s like I just gave birth with these big red veins
Day and night I am screaming:
Oh my itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Oh, oh! My itchy anus!

Sitting side ways isn’t so grand
But it’s what I’m reduced down to
Truth is I can hardly stand
Every moment unpleasant, every hemorrhoid does sting
Even when I sit on hemorrhoidal ring
Soaking in my sitz bath barely helps a thing
Oh my itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Oh, oh! My itchy anus!

Ass once was tight and I liked to strut my stuff
Even softest toilet tissue now feels mighty rough
But I’ve made my mark at pharmacy
Now all the pharmacists just yell this at me:
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus, itchy anus, itchy anus!
Itchy anus!
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! You’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! You’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Oy-vey! Oy-vey! You’ve got such big hemorrhoids
Ter-ri-bib-ile hemorrhoids

Oy Vey! What Pain!

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