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I am modern man, I eat every chance that I can
Gorging does me fine, I am most at home in buffet line
My belly so round and fat, a Lunch Muscle’s name for that
Gastric bypass calls to me, headed for a coronary

I’m not fat I’m just big boned, lie that won’t leave me alone
Eating used to be such fun, excess calories my ruin
Extra-large of yesterday now called mediums; such word play
Problem doesn’t lie with me, love to blame my weight on society

GERD and bile spewing up, on antacids I must sup
Constipated and bloated that’s what I get for tucking in
Iron stomach turned to rust, causes aren’t mysterious
Pizza pie is my best friend, eating dairy has no end

Vegan, Atkins, paleo, food messiahs must follow
Lead me to the promised land, macrobiotic out of hand
No one knows, no one can say, why allergies won’t go away
Unclear what I’m supposed to eat, who the hell says rice-cakes are a treat?

Simply love to eat it all, from food aerie I did fall
Now I hesitate, food restrictions are my fate
Steel cut, gluten free, can you end my misery?
Follow you and I’ll be free, dietary mastery!

Self-control is what I need, I lack essential quality
Know I shouldn’t but still do, simmer now in my own stew
Parents and grands were all large, genetics are in charge
Adipose is not my friend, wish I could be thin again

I’m titanic, I am huge, so much fat I need to lose
Mirrors are no friend to me, put me in a light so slovenly
Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, hollow feeling not inured
Maybe I can take a pill, all this blubber makes me ill

I feel most at home sucking all the flesh off a chicken bone
Load me up on lard and fat, greens are just garnish we all know that
Love me for me for what’s inside, from my self-made nightmare I can’t hide
Wish that I had self-control, I need more ice-cream, bigger bowl!

I am modern man, I eat every chance that I can
Gorging does me fine, I am most at home in buffet line
My belly so round and fat, a Lunch Muscle’s name for that
Gastric bypass calls to me, headed for a coronary

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