Set alarm for oh dark thirty, though I’m really not sure why;
woke an extra hour early and after half-hour I did rise.
Appointment was for half past six and there was a small chance that I’d die:
Was to report for heart catheterization ‘fore sun had breached skyline.
(I’ve been plagued by a vice that irregularly likes to squeeze my chest.
The pressure gives me tunnel-vision and causes me great stress.)
Earlier I’d visited my doc and she’d administered an EKG
but looking at the readout she’d just kinda shrugged at me.
“There’s really nothing obvious that’s wrong inside your chest
but to be safe and thorough you should consult a cardiologist.”
Put off making the appointment for maybe half a year;
finally set one up because chest discomfort is pain that I fear.
Heart doctor that I visited didn’t seem all that stressed.
We set up three more appointments to run a couple tests.
Had cardiac echogram, which is a sonogram for the heart,
and a non-exhaustive treadmill test to see where trouble starts.
On four successive Tuesdays, I had appointments for my heart
and when the fourth was over what wisdom did my doc impart?
He’d given me prescription for blood thinner Clopidogrel
and told me to daily take an eight one aspirin; tiny, little pill.
He tried to assure me that my heart looked like it should
but from my look of frustration knew his reassurance did no good.
“We could do a catheterization, if it would put your mind at ease,
it would give us a clearer picture concerning heart disease.”
Even as he said it I knew he felt I was jumping the gun
but I really wanted to know if my heart was good or bummed.
We made a surgical appointment for the wee hours of the morn
and for two more weeks I worried about getting an artery torn.
This bright and early morning, while most folks in their beds did sleep,
I climbed out from between my covers and through my silent house did creep.
Daily routine that I follow, of stretching and strength exercise,
I went through robotically, hoping today I’d not meet my demise.
I even turned on swimming pool’s lights and took a starlit swim;
entertained thoughts from my childhood of a guardian seraphim.
My wife brought me to appointment at hour previously proscribed
naked on operating table there was no place for me to hide.
As a rule, want no one cutting into my femoral artery
but doc made an incision and stuck camera up inside of me.
Procedure it went quickly and there was no real pain involved.
Verdict doc proclaimed is that I have great arterial walls.
After, had to lie still for four hours and my wife was by my side
if I dislodged clot on my artery blood would spurt from my insides.
I got no moral for my story, no resolution for my pain.
So far nobody’s told me what is causing my suffering.
I’m grateful for a healthy heart and probable long life ahead
but without a pathway to recovery my heart’s still filled with dread.
I am weary in the morning and tired throughout the day
and when I try to exercise my chest hurts and feels heavy.
I’m gonna keep searching for an answer, because I’ve got little choice,
but so far all I’ve accomplished is growing stack of medical invoice.