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     Not sure I should say it, don’t want to jinx the thing, but it seems that maybe sorta my soul’s budding new wings. Haven’t felt optimistic in what seems eon or two but the last few solar cycles not been feeling blue.

     Depression is a monster, a weight upon one’s chest, keeps you from going forward, content to wallow in mess. It isn’t just a sadness that’s impossible to shake, it likely is the template for demonic reprobates. There is no apt description for the horror and the void; each day brings thoughts of suicide as we present mask schizoid.

     Curled up like a fetus with knees touching crown, longing for a life raft to keep me from being drowned. Hating self for weakness, longing to rise above, only thing preventing self harm is duty to those I love. There is low and there is lower but there is no crest to ride even when we swear we won’t do something stupid can’t help but hope to die.

     It is the darkest tunnel that must be crawled through with zero sight until in the far off distance there’s pinprick that just might be light. Don’t want to get our hopes up, could just be spots before my eyes; last thing I want is false hope and then to sing demon’s reprise.

     It is not a simple hardship that is to be endured; rather indeterminate time in hell to which one cannot become inured. Slowly we make progress climbing out from pit, perhaps a lifeline is thrown our way but we can’t reach for it. Impossible to fathom the depth of this illness; though to outside world I’m living, inside’s naught but dead carcass.

     But pinprick of illumination that I feared would soon expire has now for days been burning and this light within me hope inspires. Feeling almost human I see beauty once again and instead of dark black humor, joy that’s budded might just live.

I’m gonna venture forward, try to hold firmly to progress; because another round down in the pit might spell the end of me.

     Not sure I should say it, don’t want to jinx the thing, but it seems that maybe sorta my soul’s budding new wings. Haven’t felt optimistic in what seems eon or two but the last few solar cycles not been feeling blue.

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