“Now,” John said with a huge, anti-climactic tone accompanied by an enormous grin, “tell me why you took up two parking spaces? On purpose,” he added nodding his head hard one time for emphasis.
Joni sat on the bed, bent over, shoulders hunched, staring at the green filled Muriel box. “What?” she asked dazedly.
“Your parking job; remember? You said, and I believe this is a quote, ‘You show me yours and I’ll show you mine.’ Well, not only did I show you mine but you made fun of its, shall we say, frigid and flaccid formation? So spill. Why did you intentionally, and with malice a fore thought, intentionally incarcerate two parking spaces?”
Joni sat upright and the trace of a smile crossed her face. “Incarcerate? That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it, tiny?”
“Abscond? Confiscate? Commandeer? And ‘tiny?’ Really? That’s a low blow.”
“In your dreams, sailor. I believe,” Joni said slowly, pausing to pucker her lips and thus create a ‘duck face,’ “that the word you are searching for is conscript.”
“Oh! Nice. Indeed, yes. Yes, indeed. ‘Conscript.’ So tell me! Why did you conscript twice the curbside communal square footage required for your mission? And remember, ma’am, you are under oath.”
“Strategic maneuver, sir!” she declared, jumping to her feet and saluting him.
“Elaborate, soldier!” he commanded, throwing his hands behind his back and standing erect in the ‘At Ease’ military position.
Standing ramrod straight, arms rigidly at her side Joni declared, “Sir, as you will recall, sir! Tonight at sixteen hundred hours this will be our rendezvous point for operation Hagans Daze. I conscripted the strategic real estate to aid in furthering tonight’s mission. Our personnel are scheduled to quadruple and bivouac accommodations will be required, sir! This was prudent, preemptive positioning that should help propagate positive potentialities, sir.”
“Soldier, are you trying to confuse me with cow manure? I’ve been speaking militarese since before you were born!”
“Sir, no, sir! I was overcoming, adapting, and improvising as Gunny Highway instructed.”
“Good job, private! Later on, when we’re in private, I’ll show you my privates, private!”
“Sir, thank you, sir! Are you sure you can rise to the occasion?”
“Private, are you trying to be insubordinate?”
“No, sir! Just making plans for the evening!”
“Well you mind your P’s and Q’s and I’ll make sure you get screwed! Understood?”
“Understood, sir!” Joni kissed John and they both laughed. “Sorry about the tiny thing,” Joni said. “Too much?”
“Nah. You know what Juliet’s nurse said, women make men big and men make women big. Tiny’s just fine when the little soldiers off duty. “
“Well I won’t bite my thumb or, well, you know,” she said, raising and lowering her eyebrows twice in rapid succession, glancing at John’s crotch and smiling. Looking at her watch she declared, “Jesus, Maria y Joseph! Look at the time! We have work to do before the Hagans crew gets here. Times a wasting, we got to go, go, go!”
“Bivouac?” John asked as they headed down the stairs. “Nobody’s spending the night, are they?”
“Poetic license,” Joni assured. “Only if everybody gets so drunk that nobody can drive home.”