by Keith A. Kenel
A Three Minute Play
After four years of planning and training today is the day! Woke Folk Militia GMT-Bate-Four, three-six dash seven-nine, along with thousands of other US based Woke Folk Militia groups, takes the fight to the street.
Cast Of Characters
Arin: Dressed in black.
Bobby: Dressed in black.
Chris: Dressed in black.
Dana: Dressed in black.
Elliott: Dressed in black.
Francis: Dressed in black.
Headquarters of Woke Folk Militia GMT-Bate-Four, three-six dash seven-nine.
November 3, 2020.
SETTING: An old boombox sits on the floor of a barren and windowless room.
AT RISE: Five members of the Woke Folk Militia form a semicircle with Bobby down right followed by Chris slightly less right and down, Dana center stage, Elliott slightly down left and Francis down left. Dana leads the group in martial arts exercises as Men At Work’s Down Under blares.
(While speaking FRANCIS pulls an imaginary gun from an imaginary hip holster, points it at an imaginary target, steadies it with their free hand, fires, responds to gun’s recoil and re-holsters.)
Draw-point-shoot for five!
(Under FRANCIS’ direction ALL perform five repetitions of pulling an imaginary gun from a holster, pointing it at a target, steadying it with their free hand, firing, recoiling, and holstering. BOBBY, CHRIS, ELLIOT and DANA execute the maneuver with varying degrees of competency.)
Draw-point-shoot! Draw-point-shoot! Draw-point-shoot! Draw-point-shoot! Draw-point-shoot!
(ARIN enters, hears music and disgustedly turns boombox off.)
What the hell is this?
(ALL look to ARIN perplexedly.)
Who selected (Beat. Shudders.) Men At Work?!
Snap! That was me. Sorry, comrades. Totally disrespectful to the indigenous everywhere. Death to bougie!
Wait! We’ve been listening to (Gasps. Emphasizes “Men.”) Men At Work?! I feel so (Beat) violated!
(BOBBY, DANA, ELLIOT and FRANCIS break semicircle, run to CHRIS and touch them comfortingly.)
Deep breath, Chris! Deep breath!
We’re here for you, Chris! We’re validating your feelings.
(Distraught.) And after we destroyed all those Men At Work road signs until the oppressors replaced them with Workers Ahead!
Bobby?! What were you thinking? On today of all days? (Heavy sigh and head shake.) Do we need to take five?
No, no. I’m alright. I’m ready for today’s fight!
(ARIN, BOBBY, DANA, ELLIOT and FRANCIS applaud CHRIS then BOBBY, DANA, ELLIOT and FRANCIS separate slightly from close bunch and look to ARIN.)
(Throws fist in the air.) Way to soldier on, Chris! (Makes eye contact with all.) Today is our day. Today the international non-binary army of they, them Woke Folk Militia do not drill. Today our training and hard work will be used in battle. We of GMT Bate Four are the razor’s edge of First Defense. (Intense, not loud.) Today we battle in the streets! (Shouting.) Why do we battle?!
(Throws fist in the air.) We battle for justice!
(Throws fist in the air.) We battle for equality!
(Throws fist in the air.) We battle for the weak!
(Throws fist in the air.) A-person! We fight for all disenfranchised siblings! Are we ready to fight?
Ready, willing and able, Arin!
(ARIN, BOBBY, DANA, ELLIOT and FRANCIS applaud CHRIS.)
Excellent. Bobby, sitrep report?
(Derisive.) Sitrep report? For real, Arin? That’s like saying ATM machine. It’s just sitrep or situation report. (Didactic.) Proper language usage is an essential tool for all SJW’s.
(Condescending.) Really, Bobby? Don’t compound your Men At Work faux paus with petulance. We’re an army. Show some discipline.
(Petulantly.) I’m not being petulant! Discipline includes precise language usage, Arin!
(Forced patience.) Bobby, as our duly elected three-six dash seven-nine division leader I’m asking you to stand down. (Forcefully.) Today we battle in the streets. Today we fight for justice! (To BOBBY, more in sorrow than in anger.) Where are your priorities?
Yeah, Bobby! And we all heard you say, “VRD drive,” back in February. I mean, duh!? “Voter registration drive” already says drive. Talk about repetitively redundant!
Repetitively redundant? How retar- er, retrolental fibroplastic.
(Shocked.) Whoa! (Hissing.) Dana was gonna say the “R” word!
Was not! You don’t even know what retrolental fibroplasia is! You’re deaf, dumb and blind.
(Shocked.) Dumb?! What’s going on here?! Dana, we don’t even know you! Everybody! Draw-point-shoot Dana! Draw-point-shoot!
(ARIN, BOBBY, CHRIS, ELLIOT and FRANCIS pull cellphones from pockets and point them at DANA.)
(Scared.) No, no! Draw-point-shoot Arin! They started it!
(Sincere and agitated.) Stand down, everyone! We are out of control! We only draw-point-shoot to protect the weak. Put your phones away. Arin, lead us!
(ARIN quickly puts cellphone back in pocket and is followed slowly by BOBBY, CHRIS, ELLIOT and FRANCIS doing same.)
(Authoritatively.) Thanks, Bobby. Siblings, the polling stations await, our phones are charged and we, the well-honed draw-point-shoot army is ready, willing and able to expose the alt-right scum who deny equality to those they disenfranchise. Now is our hour of action! Are we ready!?
Then let us go forth and wielding nothing but our cellphones and the power of social media vote our way to a non-binary, co-equal, they, them paradise!
(ALL run off stage cheering.)