Alt-Facts, Captain John Smith, Christopher Columbus, Fake News, Jamestown, John Alden, Juan Ponce de Leon, MAGA, Miscegenation, MURICA, Myles Standish, Pilgrims, Pocahontas, Puritans, Thomas Jefferson, USA, WCPM
“We hold these truths to be self-evident,” begins the preamble of future President. Liberty, life, equality, happiness’ pursuit, from the beginning is USA’s roots. Now I’m all for equality, so long as y’all bow down afore me. Let’s have a review of history so y’all understand what it means to be free?
When Columbus sailed the ocean blue twas with a white, male Christian crew. Now, Chris was Italian, from the land of Popes, but he was a white man, that’s no joke. Propertied, proper, a true gentleman, associating with Spanish Queen his greatest sin.
Chris sailed for gold, glory and God, same year that the Moors had to move on. Three ships in armada were Pinta, or pint, Niña, little girl, and Santa Maria; Jesus’ mama. Chris Columbus brought God to our shores, a holy work for which he’s adored.
It wasn’t just Chris doing His work, Juan Ponce de Leon, God he also served. Way down south in land a gators, fountain a youth was what ol’ Ponce favored. He was a Spaniard, so’s skin’s kinda dark, but with holy fervor Juan left his mark.
Now, in Jamestown, they had some race-mixing. I blame Pocahontas, not John Smith, cuz that poor captain was captivated by that Disney vixen. Race-mixing’s why Jamestown starved, and each other ate, suffering was avoidable, if they’d just kept the faith.
The Pilgrims were guided by the Lord’s mighty hand, they took a wrong turn, but made own Promised Land. Pleasures of the flesh Puritans eschewed, but John Alden helped Myles Standish young Priscilla to woo. Pilgrims had problems with heathen injuns, Samoset was red and Squanto a savage, took Puritan muskets to prevent them from ravage; ravage the women, butcher the men, but with God on their side Christian white males prevailed again.
Maryland’s different, with their Salisbury stakes, them Calverts, Baltimores, Catholic heretics. Still they dug right in and went for white-Christian-propertied-males, and they had a grand time with black folk sales.
Throughout the history of great USA every great moment, all progress we made, was done by the white, Christian, propertied men, case you didn’t hear me, I’ll say it again. This country’s destiny is manifest. All this caterwauling bout equality? You know it ain’t true, take it from me.
God up in heaven has wholly decreed, a place for the men, space for lesser beings. Adam was white and so was Eve! If you don’t believe that you’re holy deceived. We’re heading to hell in a hand-basket! We need a great leader the lies to unmask.
MAGA’s our future, just like our past! We can Make ‘Murica great, you best bet your ass!
Don’t fall for the hype, reject the fake-news. You watch CNN? Oh, good God a mighty! No wonder you’re confused. Just put your faith in way it’s been, and we can make ‘Murica great once again.